Hello, all the people who are amazing enough to read this. This one is for all of the people who believe in me enough to read me, this one is for you exclusively. So, as I began this journey of writing, it all really was just such a joke to me. I mean really, I am gonna start writing something and people would actually read it; Ppppfffffftttt, yeah right. I do not know why really, I must have had such little belief in myself as a human being, creative person, or woman capable of reaching others in a way that maybe, just maybe, they might need at that exact moment. I forgot about that little April, the girl who dreamt about amazing, beautiful, outlandish shit because, that’s what we did as children, in our own minds, in our hearts, in our imaginations, all things were capable and acheivable. As a child, I believed that I was capable of anything. I used to dream of having this amazing group of friends FOREVER, all of us going to college together, all of us getting these unbelievable jobs together, getting married, having children that all played with one another, while we drank wine and gossiped. Some people actually wound up doing that, and congrats to you on that! It must be incredibly hard, but very meaningful, fulfilling, and rewarding, unfortunately out of all of that dreaming I never managed to do anything even remotely close to holding all of something like that together. I wound up going down a separate path all together in life where I was lucky to have kept myself together, but lets save that story for another read shall we! LOL
Anyway, so what I really want to get across here with this piece, is the childish and innocent way our thoughts and emotions shaped us into, who and what we are today. You see what happened was, I lost that little girl in me that existed all those years ago. I just, somewhere along the way started believing that not such great things were possible anymore. I forgot about that beautiful, strong, funny, outgoing, hyper, talkative girl with a million friends, cheerleading practice, and all the confidence in the world. I forgot about her because, throughout life it all gets stripped away piece by piece, word by word, person by person. Maybe someone tells you, “You talk too much” or “Why do you always act that way?” Every time something is said to you, that makes you feel less than, a little piece of that strong and confident little girl goes away somewhere until she is 100% gone and long forgotten. I am so grateful that when I starting this blog, I told that voice in my head to SHUT THE FUCK UP, cause it was time I started to be that little girl again, except instead of that little girl, I stand here an even stronger, more beautiful, just as talkative and hyper, but wayyyyyy funnier WOMAN today. In life we only get one chance and that’s it. We do not get to go back after it’s all over, said and done, and say to whoever, “No, wait, I need a do over”. In life, you may have many different chapters, many different time periods, different friends, husbands, wives, children. Whatever the case may be, but you only have one shot at this thing called life. I for one will not sit around and allow that tiny voice that says no, say no anymore! From here on out, I plan on taking life, grabbing it by the balls (pardon the analogy), and making it my bitch!! Today, I tell all those people, who said all of those not so nice things to me, to suck it, because the only real person who can hold me back, or make me fail is me. Today, I am successful, driven, hardworking, strong, and full of a confidence. I am a creative human being with ton of topics to share my truth about with all of you. I am doing all of this with my audience in mind. I want to speak my truth, while connecting with other woman in a way, that hasn’t been done in exactly this way before. I have a ton of life experiences’, both good and bad, actually some VERY BAD, but like I said, that’s for another read. I love being the woman I am growing into everyday. That is something I could have said a few years ago, but I definitely wouldn’t have truly meant it. Today, I am still working on myself, however I am working my ass off to become exactly who I always knew I could be, a woman who sits down at my laptop like Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex And The City, to write my truth, whatever truth that may be at any point in time. The best part about my following through with my writing, I am becoming a way more confident, assured, less afraid of life woman, who believes in herself in ways, I had truly NEVER imagined in my wildest dreams that I truly could.
To anyone who is reading this, woman, man, teenager, mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather, gay, straight, bi-sexual, religious, not religious. I want everyone to know that, I hope I can write something that will relate to all of you, obviously it will all be in different ways, but what matters is that there’s a connection made somewhere. For me, as the writer, that is the most important part. I’ve been a lot of places, done a lot of things, (that I am proud of and some I am not) been counted out, almost died, lived, became a mother, a wife, an in law to an entirely new family. If you name it, I have most likely been through it directly, or know someone who has. I want this to be a safe haven for all of our little kids in us to go, grab a glass of wine or bottle of water, and be able to read, think about things, about life, and somehow all see life the way YOU see it, through my thoughts, emotions, struggles, joys, heartbreak, ups, downs, and in-beweens! Stay tuned everyone, there will be a new blog for you to read by Saturday. Hope you will drop by, and read my crazy thoughts!!